Wednesday, January 07, 2009 The luckiest girl on the block Let's get the excuses out of the way... I lost my writing mojo, plain and simple. I wanted to continue blogging about infertility but 6 months into life with Livy, it was no longer at the front of my brain. I should have continued to post updates, even if they were mind numbingly boring updates about poop and pee, but after a while I couldn't find anything worthy to write after not writing for so long. I'll be honest and say that I hate it when a blogger falls into oblivian so I'm pretty embarrassed that I did it. It is not fair to ask people for support and kindness, and then just drop out of there lives. The best way to put it is to simply say that I am sorry. Before I give you a proper update, I must give a quick warning. One of the reasons I found writing so difficult is that I didn't want to gush on about the joys of motherhood while so many of you are still working towards that goal. The rest of this post is going to be 90% gushing so if that's not what your in the mood for, you might want to stop reading. Life with Livy is heaven. If I were to describe my dream child before I had her, I am sure the description would have been exactly as Olivia is. There is so much to say about her that I don't know where to start. Let's start with her physical being. She is a total peanut and there are few parents that don't envy the use I get out of clothes or the lack of backache when I carry her. At almost 21months, she only weighs 21lb. Despite that, she is as healthy and as strong as can be. She has hit most of her milestones right on schedule and has never (knock on a big ass piece of wood) given me any health scares worse than a snotty nose. She has a smile that can brighten the worst day and hearing her little "I love YOUUUUUUU" is the sweetest sound my ears have ever heard. The easiest thing to do is a picture update so I'll do that a little further down the page. As for me, 2008 had it's trials... I lost two of my best friends in '08. First, I lost my Grandma one year ago. She was one of the few people in my life who loved me unconditionally and I miss her terribly. My only comfort is that she did get to meet her only Great-Grandchild and that Olivia brought her joy in the final year of her life. I also lost my very best friend in the world, my Hercules. Losing Hercules to cancer in May was devastating. It all happened so fast that it still feels unreal. Grandma and Hercules loved each other so all I can do is hope that somewhere Grandma is giving him a belly rub and he's giving her some of his famous furry kisses. Grandma and Hercules I went back to work at the end of April. It killed me. The year I had off with Olivia was the best year of my life. The domestic goddess crown fit my head well and I miss baking homemade muffins as much as my husband misses eating them. I was lucky enough to negotiate coming back 4 days per week which is the only thing that made my return bearable. We made the best arrangements we could. My husband stays home with Olivia on Monday, his parents come to spend the day with her on Tuesday, she goes to day-care Weds-Thurs and has mommy day on Friday. As much as I hate working, I know that we are lucky to have flexability with our schedules. I've gotten involved with our local YMCA. I joined there running group and have since becoming an addict. I went from being someone who got a side stitch if I tried to run down the block to running a 10km race in 1hr! The running helped me shed the last of the baby weight so quickly that I kick myself for not starting sooner. I am a true testament to the old "If I can do it, anybody can do it". I also started volunteering at the Y as a group instructor. I teach both step aerobics and an ab's conditioning class. My dream would be to eventually work in the health and fitness field so I think volunteering is a good first step. As for infertility, we took once last ride on that coaster. We decided to give our last two frozen embryo's a try this past November. Just pressing the elevator button to go to the 9th floor was enough to send me into a panic attack. All of the old hopes and fears returned, although I can say that for me, secondary infertility is certainly the lessor of two evils. The cycle had it's ups and downs, almost getting cancelled after I ovulated about 6 days later than normal but we managed to continue with a non-medicated cycle (same as with Olivia). After the thaw, we were left with one super strong embryo to transfer. I stayed pretty mellow during the last 2 week wait of my life (we had decided that this was it - it either works or it doesn't). I am not sure how we became the luckiest people on earth but it worked. Today I am 8 weeks pregnant and I am due August 20. We beat the staggering odds and have gotten two pregnancies out of a single IVF cycle. So that is it. The journey is complete. We never take for granted how unbelievably lucky we are. I never use the word blessed because I refuse to believe that there is any reason we would be blessed and others would not so I believe it is luck...and an amazing team of doctors and scientists. Despite my absence from the blog world. I continue to support the world of infertility anyway possible. We are always honest and up-front about how we got pregnant in hopes that our story might help others. If you live in Ontario, you have until January 12 to fill out this survey and have your say... http://www.gov.on.ca/children/English/infertilityAdoption/index.html. You also need to go to http://www.iaac.ca/my-story/ to tell your story. The Ontario government is actually getting serious about infertility and I'm doing everything I can to make my voice heard. Please do the same. I'll conclude with the picture update. Enjoy the sweetness that is Miss Olivia. First Halloween (where we left off) Livy and my darling Hercules First Visit with Santa 11 months old First Birthday (like you couldn't read the hat) Looking cute in the Acores (our big family trip this summer) Fall fun Happy Girls Fairy Princess Second Christmas (Same Santa, bigger girl) I'll be honest and say that I'm not sure if I'll continue to update. I'm not going to make promises that I won't keep. I will tell you that I am a ridiculous facebook addict so if you know me well enough to know my name, please look me up (just make sure to tell me how we know each other because I don't accept anyone I don't know). I wish nothing but the best for all of you. I hope that your every dream comes true. p.s. - I've been checking all your blogs and I am gobsmacked by how many of us are pregnant for the second time (or have already had a second). It looks like I'm not the only luck one out there. posted by Just another Jenny @ 6:00 PM   33 comments links to this post

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 The Others When I look at Olivia, there is no doubt in my mind that she is my dream come true. My favorite song to sing to her is "It Had to Be You" (I don't know all the words but I make them up). It is these thoughts that leads me to think about the others. In the creation of my dream come true, there were five dreams that didn't make it. Five 8 celled wonders who could have been upstairs sleeping, just like my dear Olivia. I can't help but wonder...how many were girls...how many were boys...would they have looked like there daddy or did they look like me...what would there personalities have been? It is not a thought that depresses or consumes me. Just one that tugs on my heart when I get to thinking that I can't imagine Olivia being anybody other than who she is. There are two who are left. The same questions enter my mind. Do either of them look like Olivia? They are her twins, her frozen genetic twins. I hope that some day we get to meet one (or both) of them. If not, like the other five, they will live forever in my heart. Whispers of love that I never met or held, but who's picture I saw briefly as I hoped for their existence. Thank you Olivia for being who you are, it had to be you....but who were the others? posted by Just another Jenny @ 8:52 PM   28 comments links to this post

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 Insult to Injury Guess what came for me in the mail? A Tax Audit. Why, you may ask? Because I claimed $9,857.22 in medical expenses for 2006. I guess that is my thank you for paying out of pocket for my IVF? You know, because I don't have enough to do with a 6 month old. I've got all the time in the world to dig out reciepts. Just as an FYI, in Canada, IVF is not covered AT ALL...but you can claim the expenses on your tax return and get credit for about 16% of the cost. posted by Just another Jenny @ 12:51 PM   9 comments links to this post

Monday, October 15, 2007 Half Way Olivia is 6 months old today. 100% mind blowing. I recently read a quote that makes so much more sense then people saying "the time goes by so fast"...."The days are long, but the years are short". It is months in this case, but you get the idea. Olivia is amazing. I haven't told you enough about her so here goes... Olivia is kinda small. At 6 months she still only weighs 14lb7oz and is 24 inches long. The doc says she's fine because her height/weight/noggin ratio's are all the same so it appears that she is just a petite girl. It sure saves alot of cash on clothes. She's still rocking some of her 0-3 stuff. We get alot of comments on her amazing strength. I don't think it is because she is the Popeye of babies, she just looks 3 months old. As for doing shit, the last month has been unreal. Not only has she perfected the roll over, but she's got a mean backwards crawl. She's gearing up to move forwards but so far she just rocks back and forth, I don't think she has the balance to move her hands yet. The noises she makes are hilarious. Squealing, screeching, raspberries, babbles and occasional giggles. The giggles are the best, if I could bottle them I'd sell them for 1 gazillion dollars. My girl is a boob girl. I started her on cereal last week but she's not too sure about it. She'd rather just play with the spoon. Breast feeding has gone really well. Up until last week, she has had nothing but the boob. We had a few rough spots when the first two teeth came in (at 4 months!!!) but we got through it. I'll probably breast feed her until I have to go back to work next April. Olivia is one busy baby. Monday's we have swimming lessons at the Y. Tuesdays, is either Mother Goose (story time) or baby sign language. Thursdays we have our well baby clinic and Friday's are baby massage days. Since about August, we go out everyday. O likes her adventures and if we just sit around all day, she gets pissy about it. As for sleeping, change is the name of the game. I spent the first month sleeping on the couch with her on my chest. Anything else resulted in extreme screaming. After that, we resorted to co sleeping in our bed. Once I finally gave up on the crib, I bought an arms reach co-sle&per (if you breast feed, I highly recommend it). She started out by sleeping from about 1am to 7am. Then we progressed to my favorite stage which was midnight to 10am. Somewhere around four months we got her to a more respectable 9pm to 8am schedule. From about 3 months to 4 months she would sleep for 6-7 hours without needing to be fed. It was heaven. Now she's on the boob about every 3-4 hours throughout the night. That is where the co-sleeper is a god sent. I just pull her into bed, pop the boob in her mouth and slide her back when she's done. If you had asked me 6 months ago, I'd tell you that babies should sleep in cribs. Ha, if I only knew then what I know now. My only sleep theory is that you do what works for you, I do what works for me. I cannot imagine Olivia being anybody other than who she is. She is the baby I had always dreamed of. No one has ever had a hold of my heart the way she does. A single tear can break it, a single smile sets it soaring. Here is the last 6 months in pictures. Day 1 One Month Two Months Three Months Four Months Five Months Six Months (Today!!!) (why the tam? Better question is why not!) and a special treat for those of you who like grainy video's of jolly jumping... posted by Just another Jenny @ 2:20 PM   9 comments links to this post

Monday, October 01, 2007 Twice as good Today is my second wedding anniversary. Two years ago I had just had my HSG (2 days before my wedding). One year ago I was 3 months pregnant. This year, we took our baby with us for diner. Seeing my husband with our daughter makes me love him even more. Yesterday was also a special day. It was Olivia's baptism day. As I stood at the front of the church, I just kept repeating to myself "this is MY DAUGHTER'S baptism". It was sureal. When I look at that beautiful baby, it never fails to amaze me that she is my baby. I love her as much as one person can love another. I cannot ask for anything more than I have. posted by Just another Jenny @ 9:50 PM   18 comments links to this post

Wednesday, September 19, 2007 Not the girl I used to be One of my favorite blogs is "And I Wasted All that Birth Control". One of Celily's recent posts helped me understand why it's been so hard for me to blog lately. Don't mind me while I quote her: "Most people, I think, write best from a position of pain or anger--and that's certainly true for me. When I'm in agony, I get very sharp and funny and focused because that's how I cope. But lately, my life is really, really good--so it's very easy to either focus on the small things or bigger things that aren't earth shattering". She is 100% right. My writing is shit now that I am such a happy. I'm not complaining though, I'll take happy over being interesting. I have tried to stay true to this being an infertility blog but that means that I am posting less and less often. What I really want to write about is how much I love being a mom and the fact that I may just have the worlds most amazing baby ever. So that's what I am going to do. Olivia is 5 months old now and I would imagine that anyone who still comes around this stale ass blog is expecting me to turn into a sappy mom anyday now. It's happened. You've been warned. I'll just give you a picture for this post but the next one is going to be all about the amazing shit my girl does. I'm sure it will bore the hell out of you but I just gotta be me...happy...something I wasn't sure I'd ever be. p.s. I was actually quite surprised that my last post caused such controversy. When I re-read it through other people's eye's, I understand why some people were upset by it. posted by Just another Jenny @ 10:25 PM   17 comments links to this post

Friday, August 31, 2007 You gotta want'em This past weekend I was at a festival in my home town. It's a bit like a homecoming type thing. It gives you a chance to see who's gotten married, who's gotten fat and who still hasn't grown up. I didn't care that I was in the "fat" category this year because it was finally my time to shine. This year it was me that had the baby stroller. I don't know who was more proud, me or my dad. The two of us strutted around like a couple of peacocks with feathers named Olivia. The more we strutted, the more I noticed the drooped shoulders and weary faces of my high school classmates. They were dragging 2, 3 even 4 kids along with them and couldn't have looked more miserable if they wanted to. It made me appreciate our struggle. If it had been easy, would I have as much patience for her as I do? Would I stare at her for hours on end? Would the endless puke and diapers bother me? If they knew what we went through, they might feel sorry for me. Their pity would be wasted, because it is me who feels sorry for them. I don't think they appreciate their children as much as those of us who fight for them. We all love our children, but I think that infertility gives us the inside track on really appreciating our kids. Infertility sucks but if it means that I know exactly how lucky I am, then it was worth it. Can't have to many posts without pics. This is Olivia's first trip to Canada's Wonderland (amusement park). It looks like the swan is smiling at her. This is my girl on her very first ride. of course the date on the pictures is wrong posted by Just another Jenny @ 8:15 PM   20 comments links to this post